Bipolar – Modern Romanticism

Psychology – “Why Mental Illness Symptoms do not Return from Tapering off Medication” – 2/8/2022

“It’s as though those mental health symptoms were never there, and you were on a drug that tapped into the placebo effect. You were experiencing a hard time. You were desperate. You reached out, and what you brought back was relief in a bottle with a special child’s lock on it. The cap. When you opened it, your reality was never a thing to experience. You gave full trust to those who were never interested in you, only what is wrong with you.”
– Modern Romanticism

They always say this:

Your Bipolar, Schizophrenic, Schizoaffective, ADD, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety… “might return if you truly wish to go through with getting off this medication.”

They say this, the NP’s, the Psychiatrists, and Psychologists, though none of them comprehend the red flags. How can a person who studies the mind not realize what affects the mind? They offered you a bottle with what you believed, in your heart, was a cure to your traumas, among all other mental afflictions. The red flags, being the very essence in not being able to understand reality. Not understanding reality is the place of mental illness. Being lost in darkness is the place of depression. Being afraid of the future is the place of anxiety. Then, since such is the case, those red flags consist of not being able to tell apart the differences in these symptoms. Whether the symptoms of withdrawal to getting away from what has been perceived to be a reality of a cure, to the symptoms of mental illness that was understood to be an absence of reality; the realities are always there, as our nihilistic endeavor to deny them only places us further lost.

If symptoms to withdrawal is the same as the symptoms to mental illness, what absence of reality is different? The answer is these realities are the same. A medicated individual has withdrawn from the craving for something out of their desperate design, to then have the same mindset for craving something perhaps more recognizable. Even if the latter has been perceived as more “recognizable”, the former had shown an exact amount of perception to recognition as the latter. The former scenario showed the mentally ill individual comprehending life from a perception of pain. Then, the perception of pain was made into a sameness of an exact scenario through the latter, where that individual has perceived themselves being dragged apart from reality.

Withdrawal symptoms and mental illness symptoms are the same, though the prescribers won’t note that. They will not give the warning to their patients that tapering from the medication will bring on the same symptoms as their mental illness. Perhaps the reason for this is to not confuse the patient on reality. If reality is shown to them that the medication is truly an addiction, they might comprehend that their own refusal to acknowledge themselves, not merely what is wrong with themselves, has been what began the mental spiral. As reality is meant to be a depiction of what is real, factors such as pain are alongside this. However, mental illness is known to have symptoms of pain related to the patient’s absent perception of reality. If life experiences pain for what is real, then how can mental illness be a part of this? As in, how can mental illness be a real thing to an individual experiencing it? Moreover, this is the same relation in wanting to extract the perceived need of a medication, also a reality to the patient for its intent as a cure, to whoever might believe their mental illness has been a reality for them.

Having those withdrawal symptoms as the same symptoms as mental illness shows that both are the absence of a perception to reality. If a patient underwent symptoms of Schizophrenia, Bipolar, etc., then such pain belonged to an absence of reality. The same pain is applied to withdrawing from the medication, one that was perceived to be the gateway to reality for the individual as they thought of such as a cure to what was real as their agony. All this is meant to state that there is no reality besides the individual, not to what is wrong with the individual. All absences are the place for mental illness, though as a practitioner to their patient will find that a resource, such as medication, could replace what is missing to said patient, there will be from this only a prolonged miscomprehension of reality.

Personal Post – “How I Found my Way out of Darkness/Depression” – 8/7/2020

This entire blog is dedicated towards my only true love I’ve ever had. 1,000+ poems are written in her name. She was the only thing that ever counted towards me being “complete”.

When the love left my heart, I grew mad. Mad… as in, I grew insane. This was no ordinary break-up. It was like losing my soulmate. People have “break-ups” spontaneously, and get over the loss, the next day. When I watched the film “Good Will Hunting”, I remember the park scene, when Robin Williams said to Matt Damon, “You don’t know about real loss. That only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself.” Sacrifice, of all things material, is like stamping out insects that you do not need, in your home. All I protected, all I felt was precious, was her. Nothing distracted me from what was most beautiful.

It is why I feel contempt towards others who don’t know, or even shun, these feelings. They feel more cause towards the materialistic, the free, the reasoning of themselves out of imagined chains they call “slavery”. The world desires choice, though no one desires love.

As I’ve always seen it, and as I believe everyone should see it, love follows nothing about choice, about freedom, about reason. It is about the responsibility of where you are, because you have landed there, and now must build a home.

The dark state I was in, I felt free, though I felt lost. In love, I was confined, imprisoned, embraced in arms I did not want to tear away from. I was united with my other half. She was it.

Is freedom something we have, outside of love? I have questioned this, for a long time. People feel free, though they reject others. People feel free, though they love themselves. People feel free, though they trust no one else, but themselves. They find themselves to be most reliable. In my mind, this breeds cowardice.

I’ve only lived for twenty-four years, and already, I despise a world that embraces pride for the sake of the self, and for the sake of who one is. Has a person figured out how to believe in themselves, on their own? Or, do they deceive others in telling that, because they are too ashamed to admit someone else showed them the way?

The darkness and depression I fell though was urging me on towards suicide. I was wrapped in the darkness. Adolescents embrace the gothic or emo lifestyles. It is never a pleasure, to be wrapped in that much self-loathing. It is a downwards spiral. Hatred traps your mind, and you can barely breathe while you are trying to sleep.

My love ended by a neurological problem. This is all I will say on that. There are hundreds of neurological diagnoses. This one, in particular, would have created a miserable marriage for the both of us.

I have decided, as an antidote for what has buried my mind in sadness, to return to college and be a Neurologist.

Out of all that darkness, this decision has been a freedom away from freedom.

No one should enjoy their independence outside of true love. Because, once they have found it, and soon as they lose it, all that is left is suffering.

Love blesses, though also curses, the one who falls into it, head-on. It is blindness, when true. No one has any control.

However, she is not my only motivation, for I have 3 more.

One of my grandmothers have died, because of Alzheimer’s Disease.
My other grandmother has been diagnosed with Dementia.
My own father died, while paralyzed.

All this trauma is the motivation for my mind to have been brought in the clear. To be a Neurologist is now my goal. I will work towards it, though I know the toil will be exerting me. What else is left, then? If not this, then I am back to the suffering.

“Life is a one-way road,” as they say. I have chosen my destination.

The Most Pointless Question a Therapist can Ask

One is meant to come to a Therapist for an answer, not for a question. A mentally unstable individual lacks mental clarity. What is a Therapist, if not representing a leader? Therapists are meant to be like the leader, offering that route the mentally ill individual is so desperately desiring.

That question, which is, “What do you want to do?” As if the mentally ill individual has not asked themselves that question, at the very least, a million times over. As if such a person with an unstable mind came up with the answer, themselves. How does the probability increase itself, when someone else asks it? They know not what to do, and it is why they’ve come to a Therapist, to find an answer.

Should one go to a Therapist, expecting the work to be done by them for the mentally ill individual? No. Though, a seed should be planted for there to be the walk on the path. That seed should be set by the Therapist, being the person evidently paid to aid their patient.

Thus, they should do their job accordingly, and offer them an answer, a path. Show them, though do not do the work for the mentally ill.

Quote – “Why Creativity does not Affect Mental Health” – 7/6/2020

“Whoever said that creativity affects a person’s mental health, has it backwards. It is mental health that affects creativity. It is the emotions of the madman who is the best creator. Without those unknowns stemming upon the blank page, there will be no ink to draw from. For that unknown is black, as the page is always white. Therefore, without mental strain, there can be no expression. For we make sense of our unknowns, our confusions, in adding them to blankness.”
– Modern Romanticism

Quote – “Why Love can Extinguish Mental Illness” – 6/18/2020

“It is wrong to believe that a metaphysical wound, like any mental illness, is alike Alzheimer’s, Dementia, or Down-syndrome. Metaphysical injuries of the mind, relate to things incomprehensible to the fields of science. For science can only be able to cure the physical wounds, pertaining to cancer or diabetes. It can, as well, cure physical wounds like Alzheimer’s. Though, in the manner of a metaphysical wound, like Schizophrenia, it can only ever be truly relieved with its matching application. A non-existence for a non-existence. Love is for the wound that only it can see, can comprehend, can empathize with. Like the physical wound, being relieved by a physical treatment, a metaphysical wound must be treated by a metaphysical treatment. For the former, it is an example of the bandage to the scrape. For the latter, it is an example of love to the depression. To apply a physical treatment to the metaphysical wound, will not cure, though merely embed, all the faults of that person, deeper in themselves. It is like applying a boulder upon the already weighted mentally ill patient’s mind.
If love possesses no physical mass, as does a mental illness, then it is the perfect cure.”
– Anonymous

Philosophy – “No One is Born Evil” – 5/15/2020

There is no genetic component within the human brain that can offer a scientist predictions on mental illness. If someone believes it to be true, then they must also believe that each human on Earth can be manufactured to be evil. Like some machine built in a factory, released in the world like the latest model of some electronic, humans are not born this way. Whoever first stated that genetics play a part in mental illness, probably doesn’t comprehend the word “potential”, nor the word “susceptibility”.

Every human on Earth has the potential to be mentally ill. Meaning, that no one is immune to environmental factors, of the 5 senses, being the only thing that creates mental illness. It is because mental illness is caught from the environment, like the ongoing COVID-19. We are not immune to those changes in the environment, though we have a choice to do one of two things. The first choice is to adapt to change, while the second is to succumb to the fear and shock of how things really are.

Of any human with their humanity, such a thing like humanity is only ever buried, when someone doesn’t want to see how much they, themselves, have changed. “Change” is a big word for mental illness. No one improves into becoming the monster. Because the word “improvement” is opposite from the word “change”, one can only change into becoming a monster, or something they never recognized from an earlier time.

Humanity can only ever disintegrate, or remain, down at its infant stage. That is because “maturity” is defined as wisdom. Growing up from infant-hood, one is expected to gather maturity with them, and take it along.

No one can be born evil, because again, evil is not manufactured like some robot being constructed in a factory. If such wants to be believed, then believe it to be that the most evil wishes to dominate the most good. Their wishes, though wanting, are never fruitful, because it is always a shadow that is cast by a light. Their wishes are not fruitful because individually always reigns as supreme, when people want to see their own light, not a greater source of darkness. If such an evil person wishes to take a person’s memories along with them, show them a light that is in front of the crowd, not in the back, then mental illness will be created, radically. It will, because no one will think for themselves, in such a world. It is because of the sun, or any source of light that creates shadows, that every bit of darkness in the world is born from goodness. To imagine the individual as someone who walks with the sun at their back, will become individually bankrupt, once someone begins to throw that light at the front. For what a person becomes wise on this Earth, while not treading deep into hardship and pain?

Innocence. That is the goodness. Whatever “genetics” play a part in mental illness, only amount to the word “potential”. Whatever chemicals that are in the brain that can become unbalanced, exist in everyone. It is simply the case that not everyone’s brain becomes as distorted as others. Some learn wisdom so that calmness is their reaction to hardship. Others learn by being hot-headed, impatient, and wrathful enough to destroy whoever wrongs them.

Innocence, the goodness, can also be defined as ignorance. Without maturity, without wisdom, we are like babies, ignorant of everything. If psychopathy is said to be genetic, then it is only when an infant is born to a wretched household, that the infant, through its ignorance, becomes something terrible when it grows. Yet, hope mainly lacks for the psychopath, because their mind has been corrupted beyond the memory of the psychopath. That is, they don’t remember their time as an infant.

For a person to recede back from darkness, they must remember where their light had originated. If one is only in darkness, then they have no shadow. They have nothing to realize is their darkness, besides the darkness they are surrounded by. One should be able to tread into the darkness that is life, be able to see what is around them, because they still possess a light that is behind them.

Poem – “Happy with Laughter” – 3/22/2020

Just a lie,
Once jovial, with a crooked smile.
Now wanting to lie
Down on the brick surface,
And face the sky
Wanting to die.
Because the world could not shy
Away from my mask.
They merely gasped,
They merely whispered
What they were glimpsing
And who they were glancing
With such a blow as their stare
Against my cheeks
Where marks come uplifted
The smile that was never there,
The real smile that was never here
To see my famous self.

My Experience with Bipolar 1 Disorder – How it Affects my Writing

In May of 2018, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 at a hospital, during a time I was weening off an anti-psychotic medication. I suppose that during the process of weening off that dreadful drug, I developed Bipolar 1.

It affects my writing by keeping it in two directions: an “aggressive” side, and a “sensitive” side. It is funny that I am in my “manic high” mode to write the aggressive work, that relates to philosophy. I am in my “manic low” mode so that I may write my sensitive work, that relates to my romantic writing.

I feel inspired and “lifted” in that specific state, when writing my philosophical and theoretical stuff, that is written purely based on observation. During that point, my mind is in a “hyperactive” state, moving at a 100 miles a second.

I feel downtrodden and slow, to write my romantic poetry and prose, and heavily suicidal, often reminiscing on past memories of a certain love I once had. I gain the inspiration then to listen to Barry White, or listen to the band that got me going with my writing, called My Dying Bride. Romantic and somber, and I write according to the slowness that seems to be objectively tied to love.